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Contra Costa Times MIKE ZAMPA: THE BIG PICTURE
Article Launched: 03/07/2008 03:08:56 AM PST
TWO QUESTIONS this morning: 1. Did you ever wonder why people pick on Moraga? And 2. Did you ever wonder why Andy Rooney always asks, "Did you ever wonder?" Question No. 1 in a moment. First, however, let's address Andy Rooney. On the "60 Minutes" Web site, Andy Rooney says he's written more than 900 essays for the show. But he's never once asked, "did you ever wonder?" Funny -- it seems like he's been saying that for decades. It makes you wonder why today's column begins with the words he never used. But don't wonder. There's a simple explanation. Rooney may be old and cranky and losing his memory. Yet he's made a boatload of money saying, "did you ever wonder?" Or not. Either way, it's worth a try here. So at the risk of redundancy and plagiarism: did you ever wonder why people pick on Moraga? People do, you know. They complain that it's boring and homogenized. They feel it's out of touch with reality. Lots of suburbs get that criticism. Perhaps if they had crime and violence like big, exciting cities people would stop complaining. But in Moraga's case, probably not. That's because Moraga isn't just dull, it's a dead end. We're speaking literally here, not culturally. Moraga is the only place on Earth without a freeway exit. You can't get there unless you drive through someone else's town first. This makes Moraga's neighbors cranky -- like Andy Rooney. Two streets connect Moraga to the real world. One -- Moraga Road -- goes to Lafayette. The other -- Moraga Way -- goes to Orinda. The streets are named for Moraga so that neighboring towns don't forget where all that traffic is coming from. And you wonder why they pick on Moraga? Technically there is a third route out of Moraga. It's a paved cow path called Pinehurst Road. It heads west through the forgotten hamlet of Canyon. You could take Pinehurst Road, but you'd never be seen again. That's because the Earth is flat. Canyon is at the end. This leaves Moraga with the same old dilemma: two ways in, two ways out and not too many friends next door. The consequences are tangible. For instance: When Moraga drives to the freeway, it waits a long time at the city limit. Ever seen the movie "Reds?" It's not about communism. It's about stoplight policy in Orinda and Lafayette. When Moraga builds houses, it gives those towns a cut of the developer's fees. That's because "Reds" has an ending, red lights don't have to. There's a Lafayette teenager who wants toll gates installed at the Moraga border. A future in diplomacy seems unlikely, but this kid is well on his way to being the next Andy Rooney. Personally, this hubbub about traffic seems like sour grapes. Most likely the criticism of Moraga is just good old-fashioned envy. That's because down deep, we all want to live there. Think about it. In spring, Moraga hillsides shimmer with daffodils. In summer, they're cooled by San Francisco Bay fog. In autumn, they have orchards with free pears. What's not to like? And here's the best thing about Moraga: no freeway exit. At its closest point, Moraga is 3.5 miles from the freeway. At its farthest point -- nearly eight miles. This means no freeway noise, no freeway exhaust and no freeway motels. Yes, there are drawbacks to Moraga. It could take you 20 minutes longer to get to work. And you're not going to be Orinda's Citizen of the Year. Without freeways, however, your favorite restaurant won't be overrun with motor home commandos on bathroom break. Moraga may not be for everyone. Absentee developers, for instance, find it more comfortable out of town. When you're building communities with names such as Palos Colorados and Ranch Laguna (English translation: "new homes creating more traffic that we, the builders, will never be stuck in") it's wise to be elsewhere. The rest of us think Moraga is just swell. It's got just about everything you could ask for. There's a farmers market, a college and a hillside park for summer band concerts. The park even has a "spray feature." This is either a place to get wet or hi-tech convenience for territorial pets. Once upon a time planners envisioned a freeway to Moraga. They were going to put their village on the map just like Brisbane or Encino. Fortunately, those planners were taken out and shot. Today their legacy is a town that's sleepy, hard to get to and harder to leave. That makes it just about perfect. Contact Mike Zampa at
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